might try and keep occupied finding out about stonehenge. those massive stones, how they got there.

been a weird old day..upside down dog.
sums me up really.

signing out rest up.

was gonna put sailing to philly on and a few others but it,ll have to be uplifters, stoned love for starters.

had that feeling of deja vu again looking at the blog, feeling id been here before.
wondering have we all been here before?
been a nice day, bit weird though. and i haven't struck a bat which is shameful.
im thinking i,ll probably never stop blogging.

its second nature now, i jot down a few lines as i pass the computer its me, talking to me, really, my inner self.

when im out and about i,ll have more to say .better than all this nonsense,
having said that no one knows what tomorrow brings.
the best laid plans of mice and men and all that. dont know if thats the proper saying.
but as long as i,m able i,ll do it.

sometimes life is like a jigsaw, the picture comes together bit by bit but sometimes too, you can,t make out what it is till the final piece slots in.

can,t put up with anyone talking to me, and today, well, theres more things on heaven and earth, and ive had help from another direction, so thats 3 over the weekend.
some kind of healing since January, then help at the weekend looks its like buses, you never see one for ages then 3 come at once. 4 in my case.

ive had a queer head this after like vertigo.
had it before but not for ages. im thinking the grass has been cut and i was out amongst it.

but i,m centred again. back on track. thank heavens. what choice have you?

meg the collies looking at me with a sad face, taz, has eaten her bait.

feel as if ive turned a corner cos i can,t go on being a hermit forever this year was always the year id be out.
looking like rain and ive loads of washing out. ill be glad to see the back of these 4 walls. one thing everyone takes for granted, freedom.
they dont know they are born till they
dont have it anymore. im planning, ive never stopped really.
the world opens out with just a bit help and understanding. but at the end of the day its down to yourself. no one can do it for you.

when everyone walks out you have 1 person left yourself.
low self esteem ruins your life cos you help others before yourself. think they are more important, ive always listened while folk spoke, still do
in the old days with lads they were very few, i was led. where ever they decided to go for a night out i meekly followed i had no mind of my own.
sat in the shadows. yes sir no sir 3 bags full sir.

i can remember sitting out last year for the first time in a good few years.
it was lovely but i do hate hot weather i cant function in the heat,esp if its humid,
id rather be cold.
just found a white feather outside on the garden path.

put all my washing out and its so lovely outside pondered the idea of taking the dog over the park but refrained and sat in the garden instead.
the longest journey begins with one small step, i cant be stuck in forever and a day
i,ll die in here if i don,t move.

but realistically how far can i get, we have no car, my hubby wont drive after a car accident,
i should have learnt myself. the park will be good exercise.
ive only been out 30 mins and im tired. gonna sit in the garden.
life is very very weird. anyone know what its about ? the meaning of life,
answers on a postcard.

its dead quiet outside. utter peace. not even birds singing. work now.

transformation out of conflict . i,ll feel inspired to transform my life through conflict.
and a thousand million other reasons. the little apprentice with psychic abilities
who never had a voice.
but ended up locked up in the dungeon of durham castle for her beliefs.
its even gotta name. "gillys kitchen" complete with blue heavenly lights.
who could have wrote it all ?
from a very good astrologer. predicting the future,. as only an astrologer can.

tidying blog all i seem to do is tidy. my birthday and im thinking what did i want from life ? just a quiet life with some measure of peace of mind. alone till i was well agan,, if ever,
~a retreat.. just alone. im no use to anyone , i keep saying this over and over..i can hardly walk about, bed is my base... has been for years off and on...
i havent the energy to talk. i have no voice..

all the frills and fancy stuff dont bother me im past all that possessions mean nothing to me..they are to dust. look after ect.. its as ive always said for me the best things in life are truly free..

if i hadnt been landed with psychic abilities that i didnt ask for would anything in my life have been different . ?
well i would nt have found an astrologer who would help get my life back on track, the first person,.......
ive asked, pleaded, wrote, telephoned, nothing, no help and no one tried harder than me,
cos im not a giver upper,yet just brick walls.

and i wouldnt have been blessed with a guardian angel.. healing .

can remember listening to vicki before xmas saying, romance for aries, ignore at your peril.

its spring, renewal, stars for this week are, endings, and new beginnings for everyone,
pheonix rising from the ashes, sounds very scary,. but good..freedom...

signing out.

if i have to be on the sidelines of life sitting here in my kitchen in front of a screen till im well then i can do that,
i,ll just plan and look forward to what? a life basically.
i dont feel cut off now thats the thing with angels.
and i witter on on here to myself.. day and night cos its company for me..
im my own best friend.

stars this week are, my hands are tied,. doesnt mean im dead. im very lucky.

theres a little blackbird in the back garden . and the bluetits are back looking around the greenhouse theyve been here since xmas i thought they flew south.
they come every year,
its too early for black birds to nest anyway, but then it is spring. quarter of the years gone..

angels... the thing is you can go to the ends of the earth,

sit on a mountain top in complete utter silence i do it here, not the mountain bit, yet they are still there every step,
angels have no sense of time or space, and if ones been given the life purpose of standing beside you they never leave cos really they were chosen for you at birth. here we go again.

anyone ever being visited by a gaurdian angel, keeping you company day in day out for whatever reason, cherish it, lose the cynicism. the doubt.
cos you know in your heart its special you cant escape your heart. the heart speaks.

it has a conciousness, it resonates, donors having heart transplants take on emotions,
thoughts ect of the donor, each cell in our body is part of the whole. truly magnificent.
yet some just don,t ever get the wonder of it.

ive had the experience. im ill and for whatever reason god chose me to have it. why?
i may never find out i can live with that. sometimes there are no answers.

whatever happens to me is ok.
stick me in the Castle dungeon stretch me on the rack for a belief till my eyes pop out,
cos at the end of the day im immune,
everything i do is for good, there is no bad in my heart, .
its just sad ive no voice.

blog tidying. didnt even wash up last night.
suns shining like a summers day but very cold.
1st of april tomorrow cant believe how the years flying by. weeks months pooof gone in a flash.

back up for a cuppa and im thinking i talk on this blog as if talking to an imaginary friend like kids have, its true i say all the things id say to this imaginary person, its second nature.
i must look on other blogs to see what others put. but this is the way i am. its me birthday.

ive found that unbelievable proposing on face book and hes never ever met the girl
i didnt think it went on..but looks like it does in some places.
wondering if theyll have a virtual marriage. going through the blog, tidying up,

doggo. signing out.

im thinking, its true what they say about the immune system, ....
you become immune.
which is why we all need to boost ours. keep it zinging with good health.
if the immune system is low we catch all sorts. which to buy?
ive had them all. even blue green algae.

ive stuck a grit big notice on the wall, phone holland and barratt tomorrow.
best tonic on the market. its the advice ive been given.
and i remembered, id started a new vitamin regime few years ago, id been stuck in about 3 years shocking, but anyway, i swallowed these pills and within a couple of months one sunday night i put my coat on, leader on chubbles and went out, over the park walked round for ages. and just kept it up every day.

folk said what changed,? after youd been stuck in the house all that time how can you just put your coat on and go out as if youve been doing it forever,,,
i said i just felt better, never thinking it could be the vitamins,
so after a few months on them, cos i felt better ,i dropped off them,
by xmas i was winding down again like an old clock, went back on them ,, felt better again,
but of course over time i forgot to take them..

then yesterday the astrologer said that was the thing that had cured her.
boost the immune system. and that i should do it poste haste.
and im doggo.

been turfed out of living room . cos i said the mouths werent in sinc with sound on digi, behind enemy lines. the film. repeat. electric dreams full blast. reverberating the walls. thatll stir everyone. im not a tv watcher. i cant make myself.

Im also having a new start with my health and everything,
ive had help from 2 places this weekend a lady who was cured of m. e. rang me with advice. and then again about astrology. i want to get myself well. so thats what i need to do and i am.

making a card or 2 ive one to make for a special girl, picked a picture out, it may change,.
what a wierd day its been here, dead quiet as if the worlds gone to live in the far outer hebrides.
suns out too like a summers day yet freezing.

gonna have to go in and watch some tv, itll be a first, dont know if i can do it,
4pms always been a really weird time. today was no exception. its light out too and thats weird.
woke this after thinking it was morning. corries on now. might do my head good.
i,ll give it a whirl shirl as they say. i know before i go in i can,t.
but i,ll try cos its not natural not to watch tv, everyone watches tv, what a life.
it must be ? 7 month and that thoughts scary.

im glad im not a striver for perfection cos sometimes in that moment its unattainable.
and frustration can drive you potty.

my cuz has towels in the bathroom for show, when they go in the shower they bring the old ones out.
another doesnt like company incase they disturb the cushions she cant listen to the conversation for worrying, what an exsistence.
the quickest way to an early unhappy grave.
i know folk that have had new windows put in the front of the house leaving the old ones at the back cos they think no one sees.
i think its an illness, its the thin end of the wedge, once you start..you just get worse.

im guilty of buying clothes to put away ready to wear when out,
and then hang about the house in track suits, so maybe im just as bad.

folk sometimes play life like a chess game, every move is planned ,
till the reason you began is forgotten. no leeway.. start middle end. result.
sad. we miss a lot..

we strive for perfection which is sometimes in that moment unattainable.

dont know what it is about today but its dead.. feel really weird sad. its like nothings real.
calm before the storm kinda day. if i cry anymore i,ll be what ? sailing to Philadelphia's not helping at all. never liked 4pm yet thats when the spooky stuff started. they say more folk die during the night at 4am cos thats when the spirit is at its lowest ebb, able to leave the body easily.
they say everyone goes through the dark night of the soul well for the record its as black as night, .i could write my life story from beginning to end.

I asked them ages ago, im not well im so tired i cant think straight,
let me go on a retreat to get well, i looked them up, the one on holy island was closed until march. a simple thing, i,ll be back before you know fit as a flea, i said, what happened ? meltdown which i fully understand,
but where are we all now battered, bruised, flat. disillusioned and nearly stir crazy.

suns shining in, ive mountains of washing up yet sat here listening to giorgio moroder as if termorra would do another good beat. liven the place up.now ive gotta go into the mechanics of this computer and try to change the time.

I have an answer for everything,
im a philosopher, a ponderer of the universe,
and know truth,
not cos i want to win in life far from it i just want to get to the other end of the tunnel and see the light too for that i can be a loser.

winning in life means nothing to me.
whats the prize for being a winner in life ? sleepless nights and an ulcer probably.
i just try to help others. i pick up if i sense turmoil. simple stuff nowt complicated.

ive a cuz in america having a hard time ,i try to help her too, long long way, but distance is no object with computers, which proves the world is getting smaller.

ive seen this cloud before i posted it ages ago..its changed a bit since then.

disco 2000 try to cheer myself and the kitchen up...head banger. dont know i didnt do that.
just a good beat.

my lifes lesson was not to react to things i hear in haste, and ive heard some in the past i can tell you stuff that scared the life out of me. but we learn the hard way.
every action that everyone takes in life has a consequence, that goes for everyone .

been on jon cainers site im like a tyre with a slow puncture apparently.

life as we know it

loads of work to do. houseworks like a revolving door. ill be kept out of mischief for the day.
i havent even touched the surface.
the astrology things got me well and truly hooked. im more libran than aries. and very intuitive.
its like reading a book about yourself
i read between the lines. its something ive been perfecting. its a craft.

I have a theory for life its my own i use it all the time..
in life when others have had a dilemma, i try to advise,
my son had mates in every weekend for a few beers and music,
theyd seek me out with problems while stuffing on my tuna buns..
they ate me out of house and home. one lad was on the verge of running away..
i would say,
to think.. take time...tread water,
give it up for a while to the universe. think of consequences, others, his mam would be heartbroken ,

so my theory a simple thing...
its called the "kiss". keep it simple stupid not my words it comes from an old saying,
high flyers who have very complicated jobs have it pinned to thier desks,.
the ones who take notice and apply it are the successful ones.

yet some still choose the most difficult path of all. not just for them everyone else as well..

the lad who was always in bother yet had the most "good heart" turned out to be the one that turned out the best in the end i said to him "youll turn out better than all these lot here tonight,, no one understands you thats all" he had a difficult home life. i could have adopted him lovely lad,
he had what i call an "open face", i can tell just by looking at some one wether they are a trustworthy friend for my son or would they be getting him into bother.

when my son went to durham when he was younger and not streetwise i went with him in my head. could sense when he was in danger..
theres loads of fighting down there and other stuff too id imagine, nightmare.
i got so tuned in id warn him before he went it worked he,s never been in bother but has had many a punch for trying to sort out disputes. which is heartbreaking.

signing out. work. blogs arent me really so im trying to just put up the odd angel card now.
its like putting yourself up for sale fenwicks window, no one wants to buy you.. rejection.
part of life.

im listening about bullies its opened a raw wound cos i had it at school which ruined me,
caught someome trying to nick the dinner money she said her sisters would be waiting for me after school, wouldnt care she was a horrer, weedy, i prob could have flattened her im not into aggro.
then again at work, 17 when i was promoted. made my life a misery, jealousy,
mam packed me off to an auntys in hull , wouldnt care i meant no harm at all,.

blog tidying,.im off dog tired. back up. its bucketing down here. running in rivulets down the road. gutters overflowing. sons come in walked from the boyne wanting a medal as big as a frying pan cos he walked rather than call a taxi.. ive had to warm his ears up.

signing out.

cardmaking. finished about 6 already.

reminds me the time i was out ages ago, id started a new vitamin regime and was able to get over into the park every day with chubbles, i picked rose hips, spotted a grit big mushroom big as a dinner plate, left it on the breakfast bar, went to mams,
came back thinking ill cook it for tea, when i got in he said, where did you get that from, ?
it was in the bin, a toadstool .id have cooked it with tomato,s and bacon, .early death..
made my own rose hip syrup ive never been the same since.
actually the rose hip syrup was lovely.

we live in a world where everyone s different, theres the planners, work everything out with timing, military precision, then theres the spontaneous lot .. me among them..but the world would be boring if we were all the same.

tonights playlist stoned love loved it at the rink and sadly i still want to be young again..
.disco 2000 electric dreams..ive told them off cos my heads fragile.
said today i might come in the living room and watch some tv tonight, whats on ? reply.. oh lord are you?
you,ll have to be quiet then, no fidgeting in the chair getting up and down every 5 minutes saying, im going on me computer.. or turning book pages..rattling your craft drawers.
.snipping with yer scissors.. rattling papers..
said in good humour but im stopping out just to confuse..
dont watch any tv not natural. but its gotta be good to catch my interest.

anyway id have wanted to watch charlie and the choc factory its the new one.
itll be master and commander . very exciting,
2 ships..... middle of the ocean...... chase each other one way then the other.. boom.,, ships, sink probably,
i didnt sit long enough to see how it ends. it reminds me of jon culshaw where he got dressed up as russel crow and marched up and down the ferry, warning passengers to france on the booze cruise...of trouble with pirates..very funny.

disco 2000 trying to cheer me and the kitchen up stoned love long version. i love the supremes. diana ross. such a lovely voice. the one with westlife, when you tell me, fancy being blessed with a singing voice like that.
thinking when i get out ill have big important choices to make..
critical in fact..
wether to take meg the collie for a walk or join my cuz and the gang at dunelm sat nights for goth night....wow.. big decisions....itll be dog walking..everybody to thier own. she,s off the barley wine thank god, says she progressed to whisky with a twist.anyway dont think you can get it now.

today i nearly closed this blog down completely and began a new one. but id lose all my stories and photos. i have opened a new one too. twins.
just a change im doing no one any harm all ive done in the past is try to do the opposite . help. everyone comes to me,

my sons mates would come round to listen to music and have a few bottles,
id try to keep them right, keep them out of bother,
anyone need a hand give me a bell.
im good at sorting stuff.

i can stay on the sidelines of life, its where i wanted to be,, its all i asked...to be left alone..
just simple stuff. i,m too ill to be talking to anyone anyway..
not as if i can fly to the moon after all either..

try to cheer myself and the kitchen with disco 2000..

angels of light.

tidying the blog. posted this angel with lighthouse when dad went to hospital he,s home and a bit better. healing and light.

the astrologer said ive pyschic powers i should develop them and im picking up vibes today.
for a week or 2 really. ive sat here all morning as if tomorrow would do, not struck a bat.

cardmaking then rest up for the day. watch tv. later. charlie choc factory. or read.

spring was about new starts. its new beginnings
renewal of health.. which has gotta be good and heartening. change on the health front.
ive to boost the immune system and think positive. ive tried them all must have spent hundreds.. spirulina. vit. b.c.d. e. the whole lot. hope springs eternal.

ive thought all that for my journal of renewal and after being on the phone im dog tired.
gotta boost the immune system.

Ive had help from out of the blue..just now...a phone call... my birth chart. theres nothing bleak on the health front..for my sign. shes given me direction. a very spooky woman. very good.

says i,m wasting my life cos ive the potential to be independant and there fore reliant on no one, in charge of my own destiny...

plus ive psychic powers that should be developed..she did it, telephoned me cos she thought i needed help after speaking to me the other day.. free.
have the potential to earn my own living so i can be independant.
i have to go back to book keeping free lance from home .and expand the creative side too.

Ive looked after others when i should have been thinking of me,. .
my sign also has a great love of music books and the alternative side of life ,individual.

everyone deserves freedom to find peace of mind,.
the key to freedom is within ourselves so they say.

looking up quotes shakespeare... endurance..have patience and endure..
thy eternal summer shall never fade. pray now forget and forgive.
discretion is the better form of valour. it is the mind that maketh the body rich.
the good i stand on is truth and honesty,
tis good to be sad and say nothing...

the lady i spoke to yesterday said she would be driving and just have to pull over till the exhaustion wore off. she said some people are hospitalized cos no one can find out whats wrong, my brain wont work, i see things that arent there, hear things different to others, think differently, get myself in awful muddles.

i was given a contact number for a lady in france, who specializes,
by the life coach in sept what did i do ?
shoved it in the drawer.

surfaced. its freezing im freezing. pouring down too.

i,ll be busy making a card for a special girl.
already picked the picture. think if you find something you love to do you can immerse yourself in it. cardmakings mine.

the study of spirituality can change your life in many different ways.
it opens up the possibilities of miraculous interventions, and healings,
it also shifts relationships considerably.

you will find yourself losing interest in old friends, craving new friendships with like minded people.


changes are inevitable when you open your mind, heart and life to spirit.
if you fear losing people the prophecy becomes self fulfilling.
the angels are there to guide you through. from angel healing.

thursday.

rainbow today at 4pm. above the cathedral.

meg the collie..little pet. comfortable as "owt" on my good sofa.

actually spoken to some one on phone about m.e. this afternoon, they had it and are cured.
its bypassing conventional medicine,alternative therapy which i believe in anyway.
its changing diet and vitamin tonics to boost the immune system i knew it already
but haven't up to now had the discipline. she was cured completely in 6 months.
on the road to renewal. bout time too.

i want to move house. neighbours up for sale better garden conservatory i could have all my stuff in craft stuff ect computer..
im banished from the living room for being annoying.fidgeting, turning pages.
now they say why are you in here when the soaps are on you know we like to watch them i dont which isnt natural. gotta watch some tv, itll be good im looking forward to it..

dinky. its not real it doesnt bite.

was gonna phone the doc again today i have to have more bloods taken before the clinic the thing is i already know it all. what to do and not, theres no cure. no magic pill.
the m.e support at chester le street are there i dont bother them now cos theres nothing anyone can say that i dont know myself.

the first time i rang i shook for ages before i could pick up the phone.
confidence so low scared to do anything that would bring on the brain symptoms,
15 years ago when i first had symptoms, misdiagnosed cos there wasnt much awareness of it, infections, all encompassing tiredness. freezing cold. hurt to think.
my son played football in the swings near us, i laid in bed could nt move.

god is good.

and now i lay me down to sleep.

tidying blog. tidy up. wash up.

angels are brought in to open peoples hearts to joy love healing lightness and abundance.
the more you practice thought transference and meditation the easier it becomes.

each of us is a soul thats chosen to incarnate into a human body.
its said that ill health where people have been forced into isolation and contemplation
reading and communing with higher levels, is another route to spirtual growth.

the animals went in two by two. these thoughts just pop up from nowhere. 2 rabbits 2 bluetits. 1 angel. im supposed to be shopping im in trouble for faffing about. cant get onto internet shop yet.
first thing im gonna buy is box of wine no one knows i was at the pernod.

pernod year dot. it must be 20 years old.
drank some. hasnt lost its aniseed taste.
still on my feet but theres time.

thinking, simple things please simple minds . a playground taunt, meaning lack of intelligence,
but having a simple mind maybe isnt anything to be ashamed of. not sure.
i dont feel very intelligent, sad. i am simple really when ive thought about it,
thats what jonathon cainers said for me for tomorrow. take everything at face value. simple.
this week ive gotta shut up and listen.

the power of the mind is very underestimated. ive read the spots off books for years.
about, thought transference, o.o.b.e. out of body experiences.
believed but wasnt sure either way until recently.
thats when people can leave their bodies and mooch the universe.

i intend exploring all this psychic stuff further. reiki ect. be inducted. it,ll be different.

came across this.. i remember writing it down 2 years ago.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it. a. kay.

annabella angel therapist said she,d be sending healing too. have to read her book over and over. when i find it. if i can make it to Stanley she can give healing too.

snowing . dark. cold. just gonna shut up now and write. my story. daffnee. tidying blog.
healing or what evers begun.

surfaced. groundhog day.
I shouldnt twist and moan there are folk much worse off than me. but
whats the point of a diary that was meant to give a true account of recovery
from ill ness if i faff it up, thats the thing.

that was the purpose of it, a Journal of renewal.
of symptoms and how they either get worse in which case i woudnt get better and no one would ever have known of me, or diminish and id be out and about.
i thought maybe someone somewhere might click on and think i feel like that and take heart.

but it,s not me, i keep stuff bottled up its the way i am. i cringe at myself.


Im the type that always likes to tell the good bits,
and ive always said, in the past no matter how bad i felt, I,ll be out this time next year sorta thing and ive hung onto it and kept positive.
you can be in the depths but still have hope eternal. thats my motto.
so dont know where i go from here really.

she understood eventually, doesnt call now but then we dont need plants anymore. the garden isnt set now. we used to have cabbages, potatos, leeks. all sorts. ugly but much better taste.
no pestcides. evenings much lighter now which is good. dark nights of winter nearly gone.

surfaced again, just looked over to durham. some beautiful clouds above the cathedral, thick pink like candy floss.

It reminded me a lovely lady from nearby would call with plants for our garden,
a lovely old lady, they have an allotment down the Browney and grow all their own plants
to sell on for coppers really.
she loved to call at night, then when i took ill i had to say, well what can you say really without hurting someones feelings? nothing really,.
they used to go out on car trips every weekend up to the dales then she loved to tell me all about it when they got back. just lovely lovely kindhearted people.

might try and sell a meadowfield rice crispy.

carrying on with my story.

looking out the kitchen window at my washing, blowing in the snow blizzards. signing out.
rest up.

suns out but still snowing a blizzard. very windy . a blackbirds trying to get into the holly bush to nest. its too early im sure. a pair of blue tits back too looking in the bird house. they usually come in june. so months early.thought they flew south.

washings out its freezing out. wind coming down from the north i know cos ive got a feng shui compass.. to the right of Brancepeth. its snowing a veritable blizzard...dark as owt.

blog tidying. its weird just listening to the sound of silence, hello darkness my old friend,must have been 70
bought that record played it in the kitchen carry about record player jimmy james and the vagabonds dont know how i came to have him not summat id have bought myself.
next would have been donny osmond david cassidy, barry w. david essex, elvis,
in that order probably.heading off.

I,ll never understand how a world can be so cruel in treating people who are "sensitives"

in such ways. disregarding "special" abilities.

freezing, windy, cold, . hardly slept, fell asleep about 12.30am. woke after 3am.
.then every 10 mins, at 4am thought it must surely by lunch time by now groundhog day.
every day.
dont know what i was doing but so stiff ths morning i could hardly walk down stairs. read later, write, make some cards, watch Wizard of Oz.

my best friends moved house, we met years ago, lost touch, then she moved in down our street.
I could get out a bit then so i popped down to see her, she,d invited me down for coffee
i forced my self to pluck up courage to go cos up to then id just been taking chubbs over the park.
my days were spent over the park and down jills, i didnt stay long 15 mins, id pop over to the bakers first and buy 2 date slices. we,d sit and natter. this would be 2001.

found it quite easy once i got used to it cos it was just at the end of the street i could come home when i wanted, she liked to natter about her life she didnt have friends so i could just sit and listen . muffled up in my coat cos i was always cold.


I started getting her interested in hobbies and cards ect, shed always had her own business of some kind. knocked one day, to say she,d thought of opening a shop, she never came in,
only to see something of interest then she was gone, like my teapots.
the only person that never asked questions about my life. she never did.
I dont like nosy folk which is prob why ive never had friends since i got married.

Im not interested in gossip.my mam loves it, my gran used to say "any news" id get pleasure from saying "no, none at all" while looking blank...which is very bad, but i can,t help the way i am.

signing out. rest up.

signing out to work. boredom.

all i ask is to be left alone have peace of mind so i can recover my health.

keeping busy.

cardmaking when i should be performing duties. washing up, dusting, cleaning on easter sat but its best to keep busy.

angels for guidance. healing. support.

signing off.

all things bright and beautiful.

god grant me the serenity, to accept the things i cannot change,
the courage to change the things i can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

angel beings.of light..

signing out. still bucketing down.
.jesus died today but he rose from the grave on sunday.. everlasting. eternal.
good things never die. miracles happen every day.
the more you think of them the more they occur. never give up hope.
jealousy is a killer.. i dont waste any time on it..

signing out.

hand made happy easter....

mams just phoned my brothers dogs been put to sleep, hannah, lovely golden labrador.

stars tomorrow for me, 21st, spring equinox, it reads, all things must pass, somethings pass pleasantly others leave our lives under a cloud, and sadness, a hopeful change has come lately,
you rightly sense that change is on its way again,
if i respond in the right way there will be no pain on the day when that opportunity no longer exists, only a glorious memory and lasting improvement,
unless this change is on the homefront, me moving forward, it,ll be another nighmare. is my thoughts on that, my life im used to it.

just got up for a cuppa fill hot water bottle going straight back.

suns shining in kitchen its getting warmer. dusted computer ect.
wonder where it comes from. broth for tea, yuck. if i came in from work famished and mam said "broth for tea" i wasnt happy lived on heinz baked beans hp brown sauce,.

always had a book in my hand wasnt allowed to read at the table.
so i read the sauce bottle instead. turned it round so i could read recipes on the back i knew off by heart age about 10, which food accompanied the sauce.
escaped into another world with books too.

wished i could go through my wardrobe into narnia, another world.
feel as if im living in an old movie im sure ive already said that but i forget.
memory. not much of..........mam put me to bed with a stone ginger beer bottle filled with hot water. lovely on the toes not nice when it fell out of bed during the night, what a clatter.

signing out.

reiki.

reiki energy is a universal energy. a life force used in healing.
it can be explained as, distance healing, brings about deep relaxation, clears blockages,
provides new vitality, increases the bodies vibrational frequency.
the higher the frequency the better. positive thought increases the vibration too.
some claim spirits have the highest vibration spinning so fast they are invisible.
quantam touch is another method of reiki. distance healing.

every living thing is surounded by a life force, an energy, plants too.

you must think and imagine your self well.

on an angel site reminds me one sat. night late about 3 years ago, i sat watching tv myself,
turned everything off, at the bottom of the stairs i heard a noise high up in the corner of the ceiling, sounded like concertina keys being pressed together all at the same time,
just like my grandads. clear as a bell.

rest up.

footy, dad.never missed a school match .

my shed. a school, theatre. house. greyhounds home. we went up the garage at the top, got our can filled up with paraffin, then lit dads hurricane lamp. charged all the kids 2p to watch a play, bought fireworks, mrs humble kept me wailing banshees and rockets under the counter till id saved enough.

sadly, im best on my own till im well cos i have,nt the energy for people. i just would like the world to leave me be..

and im so fed up. but thankful cos there are folk much worse off than me.. who am i to complain.. neebody .thats the thing though i never wanted to be anybody really, anonymous suits me.
i didnt ever speak cos that would mean drawing attention..i,d die..
weeping willow thats me.

cardmaking hobby. love it, keeps me occupied.

gotta work.

baby card hand painted rose, easter bunny, ferris wheel teapot .

handmade cards.

hobbies...........

baby girl card cow on a bike, teenager.

tidying the blog..

must be 3 below. wide awake so i,ll be up till the dot.

tidying blog.

turning in.

turning in soon im shattered.

bright eyes. had one just like it.
in the charts 29 years ago this week.

xmas day. tara, meg.

rest up.

cardmaking.

rest up.

angel beings.of light..

angels. wrote 2 years ago.

Sometimes the brightest stars are hidden from mortal view,

no desire to sparkle and dazzle these are handpicked,
gods chosen few.
they walk among us treading paths of gold,
weaving tapestrys of kindness, making dreams unfold..

they sprinkle the bluebells with dewdrops of joy,
maybe a girl, maybe a boy,
these angels of love walk in humans shoes, it could be me, but i,m certain its you.

rest up.
dad would say "gill, he,ll be ok cos he,s on again next week , he cannat die man. "
(black beauty)

did cry, lassie.. then the scottish film little dog sat by the masters grave.
black beauty when he wasnt well, had a fever.

cold enough for polar bears here. could sleep for a week.

bright eyes was in the charts 79. sad song.

there are all kinds of angels archangels, etc, these never reincarnate,
then theres "earth angels", ordinary people that walk this earth, not knowing....

we can leave happiness and laughter behind stamped into the atmosphere
and we don,t have to die to do it.

"no man is an island" is true, we affect each other all the time even people we haven't met.

what is the dark side, ? i dont believe it exists.. yet if there is good then there must be bad.
but i will always believe only in good, choosing positives over negatives.

I remember the first Sunday night alfie was in, i texted cos he had a priest in,
i said " if theres a god does that mean there is a devil? the priest replied really its our own self, ego. so really the fight is with our own self.
the ego, which isnt really us, our true self is our "spirit" the higher self that knows all..
and in my case sez "nowt" .

lifes still not fair........

early-ish night.

becoming psychic... ask a question.. silently or out loud..say from the heart to your own higher power, (we already have all the answers inside) be willing to accept the first response you get.

synergism..is when your power joins forces with the power of others for the highest good.

the same is true of magic and miracles.the more you think about them, talk about them, and try in making them happen, the more you,ll find they happen to you ....bring it on.

any dream will do download cant beat the musicals. healing started up .

signing out...

annabella,s a healer and reiki expert been doing it 30 years, she says if i can get some one to take me she can help with healing. stanleys about 12 miles as the crow flies.

I made my mind up long ago to be inducted in the practise of reiki, it,ll keep my mind occupied, but youve of course gotta be able to be out.
maybe its a calling. all this spooky stuff.

signing out. rest up.

snows on its way, its freezing.

people say "I,ll believe it when i see it" angels say" you,ll see it when you believe it"
writing those words give me tingles cos its so very true.

one day we may look out and see a unicorn in the garden,
we,ll say blaise..."oh just another unicorn" .
yet, we see the wind moving the leaves on trees its an energy, invisible,
we can,t see it yet we never question it. its about belief in a higher force..

I love silence. love sound of the wind, esp. rustling through trees, those big tall trees ash, oak,, theres a long line of them in the park ,ash, in summer i cant see the cathedral very well,
but theres a law against chopping trees down now.
its the same view i looked out onto over to the south road that i looked out from my grans
as a child ive spent my life looking out of windows.
I did it at home . for hours.

turning in doggo....

annabella, angel therapist is going to have website up and running soon. angel guidance ect.

just looked out theres a really pretty tree in the park full of may blossom. early. im very sad.

gonna look at some angel images today try and cheer myself up cos i know im too scared to do things ...nothings the same any more. try and get my camera to work. buy some aromatherapy oils ,vitamins, ive already tried spirulina seaweed extract i,ll try it again along with vit b. im on that now.
gonna see if i can put my name down for evening classes new college for complimentary therapies, i,ll be too early but can see what they have for september its a long held dream.

buying some books anabella,s angel of light,
thich naht hanh walking meditation the long road to joy. its nice just being by myself. find myself. lonely but peace. for now. mebbe few hours.

signing out. gotta work and its never ending.

when anyones been ill in the past ive imagined them sitting comfortably
then ive surrounded them with healing energy just love really at the heart of it,
any color, but i chose blue or white depending. ...its just a simple of form of sending loving thoughts out by meditation. love is at the heart of any kind of healing. can,t happen without it.

tidying the blog.

signing out. rest up.

angels speak from the highest levels.
the more we keep our minds filled with positive and loving thoughts,
the easier or lives become. angels can assist in finding our true life path.

extracts from angel speake..

your life and you..
at some point in your life you're probably going to ask yourself"what is next"
you may have become a seeker, without really knowing what you are seeking.
you may have a sense of approaching change, without knowing what specifically needs changed.
you may begin to notice your thoughts and feelings are dominated by the belief there is "something" out there for you to do yet you dont know what it is or how to find it.,
and are fearful you may miss the important "something" wihout ever knowing what you missed.

asking angels..
ask..
believe..
let it happen..
say thank you..

didnt know search for oliver was on andrew lloyd webber, i loved oliver.. poor nancy.
hes a reflexologist now, mark, classic films.
trying to think what the dog was called... bullseye, dead ugly.
reminded me i liked jack wild years ago when he was in puff n stuff he,s dead now poor lad.. looked awful before he died..

signing out.

there wont be another single person like me.. in here for..?
my mam took to hospital in 2001, blood clots on lungs.. she came home my mam in law died 2 days later of the very same thing..
so it would be 2001 i was last out and then it was just small trips to the bakers they were so pleased to see me in our local bakers really lovely family folk,
i went down to jills house while she was waiting to be diagnosed with m.s i kept her company.
then i walked in the park with chubbles..
spooky stuffs going on..again.around me..

angels........

prayer is much like plugging into an energy source then using that energy for something practical.
when we think of others we literally send energy that touches them.
If you wish to change the world, start first to change yourself.

within each of us is a spiritual self, which is a sense of "knowing".
some call it our "soul" others our gut instinct, our intuition.

It is unfortunately true that we attract to ourselves only that amount which we believe we can recieve.
when we expect little we recieve little.

a childs prayer.. and now i lay me down to sleep i pray the lord my soul to keep, if i should die before i wake i pray the lord my soul to take.

rest up ,doggo.