cat and mouse..

my lifes lesson was not to react to things i hear, i failed miserably.
as i sat with cotton wool plugs in my ears for weeks as i couldnt listen to anyone elses misery while trying to deal with my own..

alison thankyou for the book.xx posts just been. love the icarus design and the poem.

just to brighten things up.

blog tidying. thats it, i dont feel comfortable blogging any more. theres no joy where theres fear.

the way i feel with whats happened lately i never want to look at a computer again. except the necessary. shop ect.
its crashing on me all the time anyway. spy threats. my data under threat.
i,ll see how it goes may have to call in proper help.
cold and gloomy here..its the only safe thing to talk about weather.

back cos i have to Internet shop.
just to say i don,t bother anyway now neither do i look. that's it really.
one day i may turn up under a tree like a leprechaun,but then no one knows whats round the corner.

back cos ive things on my mind thinking computers the net all of it can be very scary for vulnerable people. being ill id class myself in this bracket.
esp with chronic fatigue..
esp. lately thinking,
my email read out last week saying on one the socializing sites at xmas , a message left by a girl saying a boy has the ability to tap into your computer.
so really i said at the time..you don,t know who anyone is.
im glad im on my own. prefer my own company anyway. in quiet.

deleting this blog bit by bit im just going to be blogging on the new one next door to this one its going to be about cardmaking and hobbies as therapy
started off as st seatiel guardian angel of my birthday then i thought it didnt sound right so changed it to daisy crafts.under my birthday name gillian.

signing out. rest up eventually.

hi Alison if you managed to find me.. can,t get through my computers been playing up for a few days,
its taking ages, a friends having the same trouble hope its not catching,.

hope you managed to get in touch with your "techie" friend who could help with setting up a blog and sorry i couldn't be of more help computers baffle me. its handy if you know some one like that..
i cant remember how i started. i blame age.. over the hill,
.but it was back in November i think..i know i said mine is just an ordinary blog, i dont know wether there are any other kind.

let me know the address cos id love to have a look. the image on the invitation looks very much like a luxurious cushion cover.. the details all risen up.
the black and white images are lovely too. many thanks. xx

post just arrived bought craft cd bidding site. the postage cost more than the cd itself which was £1.
also some new stencils, but ive already been told if i stencil anything else i,m on the street. so ive done my duty and signed a contract.
got some lovely painting stencils for borders roses and ribbons.
lighthouses too.

signing out. rest up. its very strange how the little bump between my fingers has disappeared into thin air, ever since strange things started happening middle of January.

dove pic which just proves im no photographer. new camera but still fuzzy. supposed to be a pic of a dove. taken at the weekend.

pouring down. although mist has lifted. think the doves have left the nest theres been no sign for quite a few days. no sound at all. its quite eerie.
didnt get out after all but in the words of little orphan annie .
" termorra...theres always termorra" . had a lovely hot bath instead.
offspring uses all the water after tea. till the baths overflowing.

popped back in to say as ive always said im trying to recover my health.
i was told at the beginning of last week i have to have tunnel vision or i won,t ever be better,
so i,ll just be here now and again.
usual boring drivel, weather, birds ect, ive not the desire the energy or the inclination to do much else.
I,ll be shopping on the net thats it..i won,t be looking anywhere else,
as i sit with the sound of silence.

theres a life outside and i want to be a part of it not stuck in the kitchen on computers that i,ll never understand....its not real life......
i want and need to be among real people too.
...not trailing up and downstairs, to and from the top of the bed, base camp.
so its blinkers really.

and as soon as the sun comes out i,m taking meg out or calling a taxi to go and see dad.. i might have no energy but anythings better than stuck in here..
not learning to fly .. ive no wings, i,ll crawl a bit then totter then walk .. baby steps..they,ll get me where i need to be..x

very foggy out. maybe that means it,ll be a nice day.

turning in.

sid ? your computer went bonkers last night or monday night mines been bonkers today hope its not catching..bloggers all to pot too. hope you didnt put radox in your tea after all. you must have a lot of fun down the allotment.
have a good day today. love to gilly. my computers haywire couldnt get through.

tidying the blog. yes computers gone to pot.

computers gone to pot by the looks of things. cant upload images.. security alerts. all sorts today. meltdown..

early night back up listening to ian. cuppa.

just woke. looked out into a lovely day. bit chilly.

not even a bird whistling. eerie.
signing out.

alison i hope you managed to find the blog ok. if you did then you can obviously read this.
let me know if you open your own id like to look at your work if you decide to put it on display.
sorry i coudnt make the exhibition maybe next time.
i,m re arranging my card work ect. on here,deleting some, putting up new. bye x
ps thankyou for the images they are beautiful. i loved the "blossoming out". post arrived safe.

signing out.

cold dark and damp. no birds whistling. sound of silence.
signing out work.

turning in.

signing out. turning in. tv in peace.

hobbies. handmade cards spring and baby girl. decoupage. hand painted bookmarks.

xmas early

meg the collie

turned in at 8pm back up 3.20am so staying in bed till lunch time.

sons just said there are 2 doves the ones we have nesting.. sitting on the fence kissing each other..not a care in the world...

signing out.

dark and cold out. waiting to have more bloods taken took advice at the beginning of the week.
utter quiet again.
theres not even a bird whistling outside. brothers off on holiday at the weekend.

back up for a cuppa then going straight back. bit pointless really.

signing out.

waiting of the shopping arriving. utter quiet. cold and windy. theres a new helpline for m.e. advice.
a specialist can come out to the most severely affected and over a period of 2 or 3 days interview on tape about symptoms. other tests can be done at the freeman but thats too far for me yet.

had advice at the start of the week that if i don,t have tunnel vision and think of myself i won,t get any better. this is what ive been doing. or trying since before xmas...
.i want and need to be better sharp as poss..

dreaming of mam, opened the door of the cupboard under the stairs 2 bags with xmas presents in a bag, 1 for me 1 for son.
then some one delivering me a baby grand , can,t remember much else.
under the weather this morning understandibly.
but i think if you think of things then write them down they become more real, so from now on its lets pretend a lot for the longest time.

woke at 4am to the dawn chorus. sunny but cold. white frost out. thats it really.

rocking up the kitchen.. love loud music..esp late ...j blunt could have wrote my life story.
missed what ian said about me..acker bilks, lovely song. dad liked him. played it every sunday.

fiddling with colors then turning in.

watching tv multi tasking prisoner. love actually.. at the beginning it reads as the plane went into the twin towers no messages of revenge were sent only words of love..........

one thing put me off at the start bad langauge no need for it.. esp the f word not good at all.
i nearly switched off...
but its about xmas .. good.
nice watching tv ive gotta watch it some time. sons got the bacon out ready for supper .
the white ball in the prisoner didnt seem scary at all..been years since i watched it.

signing in and out...son wants my computer..............

remember age 1o being in the bath we,d said, cuz and me that we,d play schools in the kitchen .
i came down out the front door in me nightie, went round the back of the house and in through the back door screaming blue murder. i got such a telling off from mam and dad..
made to sit on the stairs for what seemed like hours i cried cousin cried ..not good behaviour..

son jumped out the other night and frightened me.. i screamed blue murder.
.my hubby said behave both of you cos the neighbours will think you are being murdered and anyway you cant complain cos you did the very same thing to me years ago...for the longest time
said he was worried about his heart..

id forgot, but apparently on the way to mams id run fast as i could leaving him lagging behind..id then hide in the coal house and jump out as he came in..
he said ..not only that i did it often, id jump out of cupboards. hide under the bed.

.i did it as a child too to my cousin.. its a very bad habit and im confessing..in the hope of redemption.. of course there never is any not for me..anyway..
.my excuse was, some times a fright does you good..
lifes one long complete fright.

remembered too id write letters to dad saying the council were coming to dig up his garden to make way for the new road...he loves his garden..
and id post xmas cards to my mum in law from daffy and donald duck.. id scribble the signature so she was never quite sure..

shocking.. i hope she,s up there looking down thinking, you made me laugh jill.. or jillymint as i was called..on account of the addiction to polos i had..that and many other things midget gems. all sorts..

got quite a bit cleaning done .. feel better for it..... not a sound disturbs the peace. suns out too..
skys full of those big white fluffy clouds.
working.... moving...ive rememberd a motto.. if you have pain..
nothing moves unless you do..dont think its correct i,ll have to check..
inactivity kills .. but its about pacing getting it right. discipline... i have none at all..

all i can do is get up every day and keep trying. same as everyone.
there are folk worse off than me thats for sure.

mid day. utter quiet. cleaning. kill or cure is my motto now.

cold dark morning..rains forcast..catch up on jobs day. quiet in the kitchen birds are whistling.

having tea and toast.. dogs snoring..for england....tidying as i go..turning in. pouring down its never stopped..

gonna rain. salad for tea.. do a bit painting tonight. although sons playing footie house to myself so i may just do "nowt".....

things in life might look easy but in actual fact ......are anything but.
.you just have to get on and do it bite the bullet ..feel the fear and do it anyway..

suns out but chilly. quiet no birds whistling as yet, maybe theyve all gone to durham much more to see,, better landscape than my back garden.

having fish n chips a rare ity..sons idea. been peace n quiet today listening to birds whistling little blackbird arrives every evening same time. bitter cold even thought suns been out.

so in reality it,ll just be. weather. birds. an odd story dotted about. fiction. lifes full of fiction.

cold and dark out. raining like yesterday. it poured .the weather.
in reality what else can you say on these things. blogs. nothing much. of any importance anyway.. eyes of the world.

when you discover you can pick up in a psychic way how do you live in the real world ?
come down from that plane . that train of thought..
its the only thing ive done. dont know any other way now.

dreamt of summer middle of july i was counting the weeks. wish i could jump from here to there without this middle bit. not a nice place to be.
plus i dreamt i couldnt breathe. truly a nightmare. was thinking how will i manage, what will happen to me if it gets worse and i have no breath at all. not good

having a cuppa then turning in. listening to j blunt. new 1.
remember when the only thing to listen to was sunday night 6pm till 7pm. the charts.
had one of those tiny, transistors they were called,
only song i remember off the top of my head crackling rosie.
brought me to thinking other songs with roses.. lady rose ive still got the single.. cover perfect nick, it,ll not be worth "owt".

thinking bout the blog if i didn't have it no one would even know i existed.
I've no other way of communicating with the world. even less now than ever.

here cos im in the dog house.utter quiet apart from blackbird whistling in garden its gonna pour down. prob on my head even though im in the kitchen.
chuckled a bit bout that but its anything but funny.
had 2 strawberry yoghurts. a pork pease pudd.bun, naff combi. a twix.

tidying the blog.

cleaning... sundays jobs day. tv. tape country file if its on,
watched that last year every sunday then seemed to drop off.
remember a man down south had a retreat for dogs you stuck your dog on the train this end he picked it up that end they had their own kennels proper log cabin and harrods hamper
he took them for walks there were hundreds..

turning back in for the 3rd time lucky.

keep forgetting what i was gonna write.

might as well have stopped up.
soon as i sat down in front of computer draughts around me, behind me and left ankle.
itches,
had advice today that ive to look forward and use the energy in a positive way.
picture being well.. a goal. be ruthless..easier said than done..

its always been the same a picture of nice weather me sitting under a tree.
everything else has to be blanked out and at the minute its an impossibility. i,m stuck.
understandable when ive been here such a long time. same groove. same routine.
i,m ok then i,m far from it. like now.
ive realised today that the way forward isnt sitting in this kitchen its out in the world.
i could write a book about anger,
i,m not an angry person as a rule but if you keep it in it turns inward on yourself.
my heads fragile i cant even listen to anyone.. i just say sshh straightaway.

was told too ask my guide cos we all have one.. some times 2.. to help.... show me the way..
and that i want to be well.. healed.

still light out. chilly. didnt figure out what the symbols above were its still all gobb,le de gook to me.. can you teach an old dog new tricks? na. my mam went mad when i said na...so......

very quiet.. some things may look easy.. they are anything but.......
quotes.. don,t judge a book by its cover.. we are all the same underneath..
out side is just wrinkly skin.
prefer the new dark color not so showy..cos to be honest this sort of thing is as far from me as you can get.
remember when first married i missed all my family so would throw a party every week just to gather everyone round.
but it would be practically in the dark. the lowest of lights. my mam would say for gods sake gillian turn the light on. i refused point blank. thought of drawing attention fills me with absolute dread.
and its all down to the fact as a teen i suffered with acne. i hid behind my hair.
and would never speak up incase someone looked at me.
.its why im the way i am cos you cant relearn how to be confident with people. its something that comes when you are young every comment colors the way you look at life and people.
i never went out without make up i just would stay off work if i lost my make up bag. work was a living nighmare on show.. every day.

my hubby never saw me without it for years which is, well not good..

and now when im past it... i dont have one spot. life..

utter quiet.. blackbird whistling by the front door. dark and cold outside it wont bother me. havent even checked tv listings.
could have watched corrie omnibus. hollyoaks. but too much to do.

thinking of teaching kids yourself.. cos what use is where coffee is grown or how many wives king henrys has, when they really need to be taught.. life skills.

in my book angels it explains how we ask a question in our heads..
then answer ourselves back this is our higher self speaking..
.exactly what i do on here witter away to myself..

so in reality what can i say with faith.. got up sat in front of the screen went back, got up, went back.. same things over. cos theres little else going on..
and the human race mystifies me.. wondering why in gods name people do the things they do.
this is where i fall short.. i dont understand anyone..

I,ll be no where this weekend same as ive been all week. best way. i couldnt anyway.
intuition. thats life i suppose.
do a bit of reading.. watch a bit t,v tonight. a video maybe..
and the way i feel this will go the journey too blogging, cos you can,t write about stuff that means everythiing to you.. your life and memories..places.. people.. good times thats all i ever wanted a durham memory blog.

innocent stuff cos in my life and past ive only known 1 person..really,
apart from a few workmates..she was a dear workmate.
we didnt know anyone else just kept ourselves to our selves.
apart from her dalliance with a bad lad...sad i dont know where on earth she is..
last i heard lumley.. married a policeman..

dear jessie..leona. red dress. s.b. vanessa.p. lindisfarne..

ive gotta start watching some telly soon. its bucketing down here.
if i hadnt been ill my life would have gone like this.. at mams most days all day as id always been in the past,. at jills house.

out with the dog 3 times a day as far down as croxdale.. right upto brancepeth..
shopping durham..myself..mam cant get out now..
with my cousin at the metro ect,havent been yet..she goes to music festivals and events bents park all over really..
jumps on the back of her hubbys motor bike and goes to bike rallys in a tent..

working with jill running card classes at the shop. thats an open invite..
and id prob be a dunelm goth..
thats what they all do round here.
id be fish out of water but what else is there..
all this and house work in between... not likely id hire in..
very fragile head..groundhog day.. forever.

not much to say really stories and fantasy is ok for these sort of things not real life.
annabella sent my new book angels, about healing, mediumship, psychics.
she started young too.
not good sometimes when you pick up everything thats going on, soak it up.
you can train yourself to switch off. i havent learnt how too yet..
i,m a novice.
i just love listening to people they fascinate me..
when me and mam went to durham id make her sit in the market by the market tavern.. that was the only seat then.. and id "people watch"
..could have stayed all day..

when out of action some of the senses and abilities are defunct ,with me its lacking evergy so i over compensate by using other senses, i study peoples faces.. read them like a book, the few i see, its usually the 2 in here..
i scare my son.. id scare me too...

if i watch telly i know who isn,t well, i overcompensate too by using ears.. listening to everything, even silence..
thing is some things i hear affect me big time.. and not in a good way..
i piece things together like a jigsaw..modern day miss marple.. i do it in here,
i question every single thing i hear,. ive had to live by my wits..

start me off searching for an answer to a life problem give me the jist of it and i,ll be there before the person who,s asked.. and prob. be able to second guess where they are going next, before theyve even thought about it themselves.
its just an ability. theres no medals to be had for it quite the opposite.

yet i fall short when it comes to myself cos emotion gets in the way.
mixing it all up.
im in here yet i still know whats going on out there in the world.

maybe i,ll be better when i watch some t.v., real world. mutya,s right, real girl.
only way to go.. id have been ok if id been well. out and about. fresh air.wide open spaces.can,t have everything. make the best of stuff. no choice.

thats what i,m doing over the weekend. t,v some reading. d. dancing.
the parks looked lovely over the last few days in the sunshine.

heavens ians on about apples..id just have eat the lot . end of dilemma.
i,m off, can,t have a cuppa cos theres a spider as big as my hand sat by the kettle.
groundhog day.

turned in early trying to recover my health..
back up listening to ian....maureen ? you have been missing from the blog pooff gone like a puff of smoke no explanation im sure you look at this..i said last week id post my no text me to let me know you are ok or not please.. ian says he hasnt heard from you either. its 07806805025
im hoping youll be up listening like me to t.s. popping over to t.s..

I was all fired up to looking up college course so went on the new college site theres some courses id love to do have always wanted to do always dreamed of doing but in reality i know its not gonna happen.
had every intention of signing up, if i could for september, give me the incentive to try harder but i have to accept it. and move on to resigning myself really.
signing out. cant even get on me own computer now.

listening to music player Leona. Alicia. Kieth urban. been quiet today not many about few kids in the swings. watched hollyoaks gotta start somewhere sometime. its not natural not to watch tv.
everyone does.

havent managed to do anything. shopped on the net its a slow as a box of monkeys..
pouring down and washing is out. not good. reading a good book by ?
forgot.. called angels.

should make a time for blogging wittering onto myself cant be higgle de piggle de
all day.
marian keys.. irish author, so witty funny..
her characters all have nightmares and are calamity prone me to a t.

not thinking about story characters cos i dont work like that i just sit down and write whatever comes into my head. no plot..
my head is too steeped in treacle to plan the next 5 mins i can handle that,
im trying to recover .. i shouldnt be doing any of it..give the brain a rest but one day i,ll learn.

signing out loadsa work ..catch up..

little blue tits very busy in the birdhouse.. doves still feeding. suns out.

woke under the weather but with an angel phrase in my head..
the world says...I,ll believe it when i see it... angels say. I,ll see it when i believe it.
it,s about trust..belief...

back up listening to truckshunters, going straight back .. bit pointless really ..
getting into no dialogue with myself now. no point.. no voice. no sense half the time..
blog tidying.

blog tidying. 2 blackbirds feeding out the back, 2 doves out the front, bluetits pop in now and again. ordered a new birdhouse. other ones listing to one side bit like me.
clicked on some ones blog leona singing "first time" such a fave and roberta flack always a fave too.
don,t know where leona,s been hiding really, but she,s the best singer around by far.
personality to match.
signing out god bless all with healing..

i know this much and its as ive always said till im better im best off by myself thats all,
simple stuff not too much to ask cos the worlds too much for me..
no one gets me so i gave up listening to anyone other than myself ages ago.
all trust has gone, kaput.


signing out. rest up.

2 blackbirds nesting in the holly bush. its dead prickly. signing out.

obsessed with clouds .. its warm enough to sit out so i did. looks like a bear eating a baby, don,t know about the one at top.

maureen ? where are you. heads banging but going out to soak up some sun its very weird weather..

surfaced suns shining but still cold. turned in early, woke during the night got up for a cuppa.

i think sometimes the pixies come in to make life more difficult. its like wading through quicksand. listening to ian, turning back in.

its cold and snowing too, thats about it really, ive nothing to say.
except theres 2 little dove nesting in our tree and i bet they are freezing.
signing out.

rest up.

up quite early for a change.. its cold and been snowing a blizzard..wet snow..

turned in early, back up, listened to sue, ians on now,
sure my house is haunted very weird noises but then it is the dead of night. new moon yesterday we could make a wish, i forgot. mam used to turn a sixpence over.

snowing a blizzard. looking for the cheese found it in the cupboard i didn,t put it there so some ones going loopy, this isnt good news,
plus we,ve a mouse.
im thinking, 7 more weeks and half a year will have gone...

turning in soon.

snowing a blizzard. windy cold.

signing out.

postcards through the ether.

having a lovely time wish you were here.........
by Prebends bridge that spans the meandering River Wear,
i,m reclining unwinding neath tall ash and oak, where summer laid her vibrant cloak.

kingfishers dive and the missel thrush sing, i dip my toes rinsing my woes,
they drift downstream,
i dream,
in the shadow of the majestic Durham Cathedral that standeth tall, proud,
and very regal.
giving sanctuary over centuries to pauper and king.

beautiful scenery but i,m not really there you,ll never find me,
only my thoughts wander free in the mystical ether i,m not really here either,
no princess in her ivory tower but a hermit chained up locked up without the power,

but im the proud bearer of a golden ring, my aura sparkles with positive mind energy
my heart skims the starstudded highway i travel on angels wings,

i see Durham unfurl through eyes tight shut,
i walk paths of gold without moving a foot, i return never having left refreshed,
the intrepid explorer becomes avid reporter, an astral traveller,
bone weary i am here maybe filled to the brim with fear ,
so ... leaving myself in the chair, i dream...think myself there..

did my writing drawers out a while ago which is how i came upon the stories poems ect.
it gives summat to write cos being in the living room with the telly is boring.
and i prefer to look at words.

sons gone to play footy . its freezing and snowing a blizzard.
gonna wash up make a few cards got birthdays coming up, watch bit t,v.
mission impossibles on, what a weird time afternoon, its usually after the watershed..
those kinda films. usually sleep after that. catch up.
started new vitamins spirulini.
signing out.

turning in...

doing a bit of writing, then its an early night .

Its been snowing but not much.. cold though..utter quiet. as it should be.
watched some tv, first time in ages, dr who, quite good.

but i knew, if i didn,t survive and its been touch and go, then the blog will be an epitaph...
and what would be left? a few daft stories and poems and a few bonny pictures. "nowt" special.
just summat to take my mind off things. thats all really.

set the washer away... meg the collies in the garden fur standing on end cos its freezing out,
ive a million jobs that,ll keep me occupied..even if i don,t feel up to it...these things have to be done..then rest up till teatime..
im thinking of the advice i had yesterday, look after yourself, if not, you,ll never recover.
i ignored all the advice, sadly to my detriment..

we,ve got doves nesting in a tree by the door, and blue tits looking around the birdhouse.

just came across a good book an old one. quotes which i love..
meditation.. all this talk turmoil noise and movement is outside of the veil within the veil is silence calm and rest, some people, sadly can,t grasp it..

all that lives must die , passing through nature into eternity. william shakespeare.
no one knows whats round the corner for any of us..life is but short.

absent in body- present in spirit -- corinthians

what we can see with our eyes comprises less than 10% of the universe the real power sustaining its architecture is the energy contained in the 90% unseen.

the definition of madness is to keep doing what you have always done - and expect different results.

we as humans are experience starved--a person who has some --attainment--can zap people..and it is very seductive, its very addictive, people want that hit again and so they hang around the teacher. r. ray.


if we open a quarrel between the past and the present we have lost the future. winston churchill.

as human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world- more in being able to remake ourselves. gandhi.

trust--- in god..a higher force.. ..without trust in something good we have nothing.. an early grave. a wasted life.

humans must connect with the "infinite mind" that which exists in our soul, through meditation,. their lies all the answers.

suns out .. its a lovely day but chilly, cold, snows expected...tomorrow, weekend weather..
signing out to work. megs looking at me sad so i,ll let her out into the back see how the doves are doing. thats it really. signing out.

turning in 2.23am.

wash up.. tidy... housework's like a revolving door.. endless...........blog tidy.

sometimes i think if you have difficulties in life they are there for a reason.
signing out, rest up. theres only one person who can help you, yourself.

ive been told today i must make myself priority or i,ll never get better.
its just putting off, just prolonging the agony. how true.
but if you dont rate yourself very highly then you think you dont matter and so neglect your body spirit and soul, and thats like,
not professional suicide its human suicide.

suns shining in ... lifes very weird. lord i could sleep on a proverbial clothesline.

the psychic said, "you know you can trust me gillian", thats it that was after i emailed back for confirmation . i just said ive draughts around me. i didnt give him that name.
some folk are really good and deserve to be where they are. but the worlds full of cynics.
and really i am gillian or gill. i kept the gilly .i thought its nice but my son said drop it mam you arent 17 any more.

I,m changing my tack now on here, ive got to.
ive no voice anyway so may as well talk only of positive things it doesnt change things
. so its anybodys guess how i feel really from now on, .
i spend time thinking.

plus ive talked myself to death and still no body got me.
and at the end of the day im an open book.
i wouldnt know how to mask stuff you need a degree in psychology for that, i havent got one. although thats the one thing id do. cos the workings of peoples minds fascinate me.

but it gives me a headache trying so, with the m.e. i had to give it up.

thought for months that people like me sensitives should just live their lives in utter quiet cos thats where i go wrong i hear speaking through words, i react, trying to help,
i shouldnt, so now i dont.
i keep it to myself which is what i should have done in the first place i wouldnt be where i am now.
ive learnt my lifes lesson that was it others have their own. everyone has one .

the dead dont frighten me.. cos good always triumphs over evil.

my gran said its the living you need to be scared of.
in the past the living have scared me witless. cos i hear things,
thats where im maybe different i cant help how i am i didnt choose to be like this i hear things in other places too so its like a jigsaw fitting together.
i saw an apparition once as a child. a man climbing onto the bed,
an anglo saxon, very weird.

im thinking too that i dont have any dealings in spells and stuff my gran warned me away from using even the ouiigi board, im scared witless of it,
but if spells are used they can take on a life of their own,, unleashing all sorts. (poltergiest)
i cant believe you can buy them on the net. all kinds of spells.

i always just put my trust in a higher force working and helping out and utmost priority, trust.
if you dont trust youve got nowt.

just read that a sorcerer long ago departs his workshop leaving the young apprentice in charge,
the apprentice tires of fetching water so puts a spell on a broom to do the work instead,,using magic he,s not trained in, soon the floor is awash with water the apprentice can,t stop the broom cos he doesn't have the magic words,
so he tries splitting s the broom in half ,
the broom splits into bits but the bits just carry on fetching more water, a flood ensues,
. the sorcerer returns, scolding the apprentice, reprimanding mildly, the apprentice is embarrassed and learns his lesson quickly. an object lesson.
found on wikipedia

as i look out the window i think ...me.. the lass who coudnt speak ..

managed to buy myself a new pair trainers 7 quid, who needs to pay a lot..? not me..
they,ll not be on yet, i,ll rax them in, in the house and garden.

surfaced ... but lord.. its freezing here.. suns out but like a winters day. gotta be busy.
i,ll most likely pretend.

turning in.

keeping outta mischief is all we can do.
been chucking it down, cold windy weve had the lot.

quotes.

blog tidying then gotta be busy lunch. short work time nearly let the soup boil dry. not good.
there is enough of everything for everybody. abundance is my true state of being.
a real friend is the one who walks in when the world walks away.
remember growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
to the world you might be one person but to one person you might be the world.
dont cross your bridges till you get to them, we spend our lives defeating ourselves crossing bridges we never get to.

the secret to success is be like a duck..smooth unruffled on top, paddling furiously underneath.

you must come again when you have more time,
ive thought that when company have
overstayed.
a politician is an animal that sits on the fence, keeping both ears to the ground.
I drink to make other people interesting.

speak when angry and you,ll make the best speech you,ll ever regret.
it is better to waste ones youth than do nothing with it at all.

everyone is trying to accomplish something big not knowing that life is made up of many little things.
the greater the obstacle the more joy in overcoming it.

I love quotes and just had one pop into my head from no where, to thine own self be true.

think for certain if i hadnt been ill id never have had difficulty in my life for the past 13 years, long time but then theres nobody like me, its true.

if well id have popped in and out in the sun, rain wind snow all of it.. then id have come in onto the computer every now and again, throughout the day, this is how id have spent my days id have been by myself cos this is how i am, i just like quiet, im quiet.
i can,t help how i am theres folk who need a lot of company and those who cant manage it. ive never been any different,


if i didnt have this computer id fade away, i can use it like another world,
a world at the fingertips.
i sometimes think i live in this computer. i only blog and shop. facebook, ? weird folk on there.

ive just noticed, ive had a small bump between my fingers for ages and ages its vanished.
pooff i cant find it how spooky is that how could that happen. ? yep its gone.

pouring down and ive got cards to make so i,ll just get on.
mam phoned i said there was a duck in our back garden a pink duck , it just went over the top her head. she wasnt happy with me, she doesnt like mondays i dont like tuesdays.
i just kept on being nice, as usual. its all you can do. i love my mam its her birthday..

signing out

Ive found too that i can feel what others feel, so that's mine as well as theirs. is it empathy, ?
don't know but it hurts like billiyo.
I could set the clock with the time they start, mornings i can feel ok (in a fashion,)
then it,ll wash over me, later in the day, it,s just after 4pm.

I think i,d like to be hooked up with other psychic folk cos they,ll be the only ones who understand.
Ive remembered another story i wrote about an angel 3 years ago, i,m wondering if it,s possible to write the future not knowing at the time thats whats happening.
its scares the dickens out of me sometimes wondering where its all going.

The thing about intuition i pick up everything, soak it up, find myself listening for the little things, signposts in life, until theres not much pleasure left, enjoyment.
thats how its been for me for months,
i can,t believe it really,. i,m not doing it on consciously,
its just second nature now,.
it actually goes back all of my life if i told the truth.

I have pre- cognitive dreams, then sentences pop into my head from no where different times of day..

think i had a flash of inspiration yesterday as far as the outside world goes but its just how i felt in my head, positive,
.but even if it doesnt happen and it might not just yet ive gotta still "think" it, cos its all i have .all anyone has. hope.

up before my eyes are open which is scary for me cos im usually late but...
thats it really.short and sweet.
been pouring down windy,now suns bleaching the trees weird weather.
phil oakeys rocking up the kitchen trying to cheer me and the place up. simple really.

ive washed up. turning in.