stress

I can remember years ago my life was stressful it affected my health, i am quiet and all those things and just went into a shell, family would be having celebrations christenings, birthday outings,
I shy,d out of them left my mam to make excuses, she did, she was the one years ago when i woke in the night, scared, who came round to see me and made tea, normality,
why it had to be like this i don,t know but i would have sat up with some one too,
the doctor a lovely kind man said you just need reassurance, he helped me more than anyone ever, an old gentleman, which he was, a "gentle man". passed on now.

I still have the buddha he and his wife gave me, it sat on the desk in his surgery,
i rub its tummy now and again,, he persuaded me to work for him in the bungalow next to mams a big grand affair, i played with his daughter when young so knew the layout already.

I just made up excuses for not joining in with folk cos i wasn,t up to it,,
i have had people wanting to be friends, when they did they just wanted to see me all the time, i knew that there may come a day when i wasn,t up to it so thought if i dont get involved they won,t feel ive let them down..
ive changed but just a bit, but think i,ll always be the same,, its me,
when i think about it i feel about 5, i,ll have to grow up, face life sometime, the world, .i dont want to. thats the thing..