managing............

I shouldnt be here cos its affecting my back n legs sitting long periods but wanted to waffle on a bit .
Ive got "this is the life on" and thinking if writing about illness you tell the truth then some one else one day may benefit from it they may think well that was me too i spent my days like that, so i dont feel so bad now.

my lifes changed while ive been ill, i have to live my own life basically,
they know in here this is the only way i can manage, so they let me, im under no pressure to do anything unless i feel like it.
folk may think how can you live like that ? but they arent living my life..

It wasnt always like this far from it, i sat up when i couldnt manage out of guilt it made me worse.
so ive had understanding in that respect, its why i can stay up through the night if i wish, and just faff about during the day. but i also do my fair share i have to cos of circumstances. have to cos im dependant on others for my livelihood. my existence..
but we do the best we can in difficult circumstances..

Im thankful i can do this, please myself, but if i couldnt id find another way cos i havent got myself here today to just give up.

.since yesterday its been very tense i blame Mars venus square which lingers over to the next day.
cos im doing son chicken chargrills n he,s shouted down from his den, "do them crisp"
, i muttered under my breath "i,ll crisp you in a minute"...i lose my head too,,

I,m getting very close to wanting to just blow off steam big time , and i will when i get out ..