just spent day lying down resting up. alicia k on,, haunting but soothing too..im gonna turn in early n listen to sue.. trying to eat a pease pudd sandwich. didnt eat my chop. even meg wouldnt eat it...im writing this with tears dripping off my chin and its gonna have to stop.

.ive never been one for giving up or wishing i wasnt here its against every principle i have but lately ive thought just now n again if i dropped off my perch, (naturally) . i could settle in on the other side ok,, cos i feel ive done my time here..no one in here as a clue im always in the kitchen and thats the way it stays everything stays in my head.. mebbe its just weekends..

think thats why ive listened to radio,,its escapism,, music ,, just trying to cheer mesell up

and the big story in the paper.. p.and h. all we hear is drivel..no one absolutely no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, i always look at both sides..i dont think its about money at all its about selling out..secrets .
anyone who can do that to anyone deserves to be locked up n the key thrown away..

doesnt matter how much bitterness floating about can they not just be the bigger person, its like kids in the playground only much worse cos its lives at stake..and all that money?
they could live apart in peace on the other sides of the world..its shameful behaviour..