listening about cancer, sad for sufferers, thinking you need time to recover your health in any illness, or you just don,t improve,..lack of understanding..didnt matter who i asked, who i telephoned, wrote to,, a brick wall. till i just gave up asking.
some women look after everyone else thats the way its always been, with others its the other way round, it all depends what youve been used to, you don,t know any different,
thats all i asked for, some little space, time, to renew myself.

I never was allowed to cos illness is a thing unknown in some people ,
it was "oh you are young you cant be ill its not natural"
especially when you are suddenly having to lie down all day every day, and cant use your brain without pain to figure out whats wrong,
the only thing that kept me alive till today i know this in my heart without a doubt was switching off, resting on top of the bed it was and still is my base,..,

some days i felt myself slipping into deeper illness a road that if id ventured down id be lost forever.
so i fought a losing battle thinking maybe it isnt natural.. nothing i did was ever enough.. just passing thoughts.

summat else as well while ive been ill ,few years ago, if i wasnt able to phone people and give them attention that theyd had, there was hell to pay next time i did phone,
it was , " hoity toity, oh you,ve decided to grace us with your presence then".
i said nothing in retaliation,but no one ever said " how are you" that nearly killed me cos i wouldnt have done that cruel thing.