thinking, light feelings back, since about ? 3pm maybe before, didnt have music just utter quiet, just felt like going to sleep, i did.
and when i first got the computer i signed up for broadband just basic cos at that time in may i didnt have energy to sit here and thought its a waste, must have improved a bit cos now they are saying, b,t, im over my limit, so its either upgrade or pack it in basically. i like it.

not lots cos its actually embarrassing. its not summat id choose to do if i was busy busy,
but at this moment in time im not, circumstances, i sit here going to rust, and i refuse to.

its just waffle anyway. having a hotdog, homemade, not a usual thing but today it is.
dark outside. wondering if theres music on radio, but its sport as far as i know.

I could have had a computer years ago i just was too ill, so my parents pushed me into it, rang shops for advice, its always been me thats been the sorter i have to do things, a lot, i found a shop in north road, he was willing after hearing of my circumstance to deliver and set up, great. dropped it off, i still had a set up to do and fixing up email nightmare, i sat here for hours, first person i emailed julia h. she replied "bingo" . well i went bonkers. felt alive.

just remembered a dream. me saying i don,t want to win.... let me be the loser. ...weird. . winning means nothing to me, its meaningless empty, please,
I,m walking away a loser, i tried...i can,t take any more. please,
if lifes about winning please let me be a loser,......I give up, !........woke up repeating this..