I,ll try getting out too... at the end of the day a lot of my time was taken up elsewhere....everything in moderation is the key.... the housework wasnt getting done, i wasnt moving forward.... i fiffed and faffed too much....buried my head in the sand.... at the expense of the real world..
the worlds a lovely place...... outdoors.... countryside..fields....fresh air.... peace and quiet.. but i,ll be keeping myself to myself..i,ll never change..i like my own company..

thought came to me last night.. i,d been in the bath got water in my ears.. not a big deal for some.. for me it magnifies my probs..
given the choice would i be deaf or blind.... ?

i,m deaf in one ear.. i thought it didnt bother me.. it does..big time.. more than i realised..
the sound of my own voice is, to me, muffled,.

as a child id go to bed in my hat the flaps covering my ears.. i had a nervous cough, every so often id have to cough just to test if my hearing was back to normal.. dad would be watching tv with me and i,d drive him bonkers.. he would say .. gillian for goodness sake ...

just dont like hearing it, my voice......if i,m listening to anyone which is rare..
cos its tiring for me..i have to be looking at them directly...nothing is spontaneous..its hard work..
you end up in a world of your own my gran was the same.. i was her ears....
it helped make me the way i am.. i worry that im not going to hear what people say and so look silly...i feel myself going red.. getting anxious.... company ? theres no joy in it for me..

so id choose to be blind ive seen everything i need to see.. i,d rather hear and feel...as ive always done..thats enough for me..
i,d be no use to a friend.. id be hard work.. i drive myself up the wall..
so i,m ok really... here..